bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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