just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize