thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
