my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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