So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
