Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
