I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
oh god the rape fog is back!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
