It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
