Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
