Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize