She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
