6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
