So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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