He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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