I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
