I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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