it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
