put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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