I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
