so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
