I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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