I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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