we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
