Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
farters have to be the big spoon...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
