remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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