I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Is it because I queefed?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
