I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize