Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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