well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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