I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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