she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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