I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I love you.
Bad choice
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
