No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
as a side note pls kill me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
