Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
