Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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