Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize