she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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