Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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