i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
