i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
