I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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