Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I looked at my own cervix.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
