Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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