My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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