very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
