Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
