Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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