her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
