Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
