this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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