i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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