I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
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