Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
