Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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