Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
