I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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