I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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