How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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