she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
