he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
