You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
