Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
