True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize