I seem to have left my pride at pride
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
