If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
