Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
